搞笑片英语怎么写( 三 ) _英语

很多年以后，乡下老鼠碰到城里老鼠，它说：“你一定要来我乡下的家看看。”于是，城里老鼠就去了。
乡下老鼠领着它到了一块田地上它自己的家里。它把所有最精美食物都找出来给城里老鼠。
城里老鼠说：“这东西不好吃，你的家也不好，你为什么住在田野的地洞里呢？你应该搬到城里去住，你能住上用石头造的漂亮房子，还会吃上美味佳肴，你应该到我城里的家看看。” 乡下老鼠就到城里老鼠的家去。
房子十分漂亮，好吃的东西也为他们摆好了。可是正当他们要开始吃的时候，听见很大的一阵响声，城里的老鼠叫喊起来：“快跑！快跑！猫来了！”他们飞快地跑开躲藏起来。
过了一会儿，他们出来了。当他们出来时，乡下老鼠说：“我不喜欢住在城里，我喜欢住在田野我的洞里。
因为这样虽然贫穷但是快乐自在，比起虽然富有却要过着提心吊胆的生活来说，要好些。” Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning? Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow". 老师：为什么你每天早晨都迟到？汤姆：每当我经过学校的拐角处，就看见一个牌子上写着"学校----慢行". A Good Boy Little。
4.求一篇搞笑英语故事,3分钟左右Bad Day——倒霉的一天
There was a guy in a bar, just looking at his drink. He stayed like that for half an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver stepped up next to him, took the drink from the guy, and drank it all down.
The poor man started crying. The truck driver said, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I was late getting to my office. My boss was outrageous, and fired me. When I left the building to go to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I got a cab to return home, and when I left it, I remembered I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drove away. When I got home, I found my wife in bed with the gardener. I left home and came to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
一个男人坐在酒吧里，看着自己的酒发呆。他这个样子已经有半个小时了。这时，一个好惹事的卡车司机走到他旁边，从他手里一把抢过酒杯，把酒喝了个精光。
可怜的男人大哭起来。卡车司机说，“拜托，哥们，我只是在和你开个玩笑。这样吧，我再给你买一杯，我实在受不了看着一个大男人哭。”
“不，不是那样的。今天是我这辈子最倒霉的日子。首先，我上班迟到了，我的老板是个蛮横的家伙，他把我炒了。当我离开办公楼去取车时，发现我的车被偷了，警察却说他们对此无能为力。于是我只好打车回家，下了车，我发现钱包和信用卡都落在了车上，但那个出租车司机已经把车开走了。我回到家，发现我老婆和园丁正在床上鬼混。我离开家，来到这个酒吧。而现在，正当我考虑要结束我的生命，你出现了，还喝了我的毒酒。”
5.找个搞笑的英语笑话（用英语写的）,越短越好Toothache Jim:Is that tooth still aching? I'd have that tooth out if it were mine.Tom:So would I if it were yours. 牙痛吉姆：那颗牙还痛吗？如果那颗牙是我的，我就请人把它拔掉。
汤姆：如果那颗牙是你的，我也会这么做的。WonderfulBoy: Doctor, will I be able to play the violin after this cast comes off my wrist?Doctor: Certainly, my son.Boy: Wonderful! I've never been able to play the violin before. 太好了！男孩：医生，我手腕上的石膏弄下去之后，我能拉小提琴吗？医生：当然能了，孩子。
男孩：太好了！我以前一直都不会拉小提琴。Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa. 钞票不是万能的，有时还需要信用卡. One should love animals. They are so tasty. 每个人都应该热爱动物，因为它们很好吃. Love the neighbor. But don't get caught. 要用心去爱你的邻居，不过不要让她的老公知道. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. 每个成功男人的背后都有一个女人，每个不成功男人的背后都有两个女人。